Working on Working

I have struggled at work for quite a while now. I understand the benefits, beyond making money… and eating. It helps us grow and gives us purpose. Yet, I find no purpose and feel only whithering.

I go to work every day and put on my mask. I say my lines and smile with a tired grin. Every day I look forward to my next day off or my next vacation. When time off arrives, I find no rest as the dreaded countdown begins.

Greener pastures say they will satisfy my hunger, but when I choose a new field, they present the same thorns and weeds as the last. Because they are within my own shell.

I look for companionship along this journey, but I fear my own ability to nurture connection. But I can not give up. I will not give up. I will push.